|But I'm innocent, blame it on my equilibrium
||[Aug. 13th, 2006|02:13 pm]
|||||Atmosphere- Trying To Find A Balance||]|
My mind works better during the nighttime. An estimation as to why could only be that I've spent the whole day contemplating things and rationalizing. Sorting out my thoughts is definitely not the easiest task. So many things have happened since I've last updated. First of all, I'm not being shipped off to residential treatment. But, Austin decided to tell jesse that I've been using. At least that's what I'm told by Jesse. Candace also said I need help but didn't come straight out and say it. They confronted me about it and I denied it but finally I gave in and just admitted it. Now I'm on extreme restriction. I can't talk to anyone of the opposite sex, have to be with a parent all the time, and can only go to meetings. I've been going to the rafters every night. Some nights it hurts and I cry. I can't even explain why. Nostalgia maybe? I miss the love. I haven't sold Justin and Kyle's shirts and I told them I did. I don't know why I'm lying to them. Maybe resentment. I can't help but despise them in certain aspects. Glori was at rafters with catlin and Christine the other night. It was nice seeing all of them. All of my thoughts on the past two weeks are muddled and clumped together seeing as I haven't been able to update until now. I'll get back to them eventually.